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I’m Not As Thin As Others

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Beating Compare and Despair

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Let's be honest. I'm not as thin as other fitness professionals.

I'm not as thin as I was when I first lost weight.

I'm not as thin as I was when I started Phit-N-Phat.

I'm not as thin as I was a few years ago.

This is comparing yourself to others and even yourself. I see it in myself and my private members. One of girls  shares with us often that she ends up not exercising because she is always basing things on the pre-baby version of herself.

This is called Compare and Despair.

It's never good. Trust me, look at the words. You are comparing to something and then DESPAIRING.

"I used to weigh 145lbs and felt great."

"Every time I go to the gym I think I'm too old and big compared to these girls who are cute, 20 and bopping around with energy."

"Will I ever be as fast as other women my age?"

And I know you can't compare your story to someone else. I get it. Like I really get it. Not just because I'm a damn weight loss coach and life coach. LOL.

I get it because it does me no good.

When I get caught up in C and D it's terrible.

The moment I start comparing myself to my past, others, or what I don't have I feel bad. I feel like a failure. I feel deprived. I feel stupid. I don't ever feel good.

In fact, when I think about being a slow runner, I feel inadequate and I run slower. Why bother right? Why push myself?

When I think about other fitness women having a better body I shrink. I feel shame. I feel like a fraud, a failure. I don't blog as much. I don't want to take pictures. I just want to hide. Heck, I shower less!

When I think about what I used to weigh versus now I get pissed and sad. I snap at myself and my husband. I don't want to do much at all. I hibernate.

Last night I was having dinner with Chris and I said, "You know I'm just tired. I'm tired and exhausted mentally at times. I'm beating myself up over what I used to be or what someone else is. There are times I'm so proud of myself. But, it feels like if I am proud of me now at this size and shape then I'm saying it's OK to not be my best."

It dawned on me when were sitting there that I compare a lot to 10 years ago. The girl who was just losing her weight, didn't have her own successful business, wasn't in peri-menapause, and more.

Was I "my best" or is that a story I tell myself? Maybe I was my best at THAT POINT in my life.

Thinking back I loved myself, I was active, I felt great, accomplished, and proud.

Then there was a stinking light bulb! I have those feelings NOW...when I'm not comparing and despairing.

Have I truly spent time defining what the 40's look like for me? What do I want to create in my 40's? I know it has to be different than my 30's.

I'm two different women. In my 30's I was learning to lose weight, learning to love my new body, I was in my baby making years, and not as mature.

In my 40's things are different - I have to stop the comparing to my old self, women half my age, and people on the internet who didn't walk my path.

I realize I get caught up in practicing the negative thoughts and putting aside my truly lovable ones that happen. It's a shame that I have these awesome feelings about myself and yet choose to push them down because I compare and despair.

What is my BEST in my 40's? I have pondered it but I think you can't explore these questions enough.

So I decided to do an exercise Brooke Castillo has her listeners do on her podcast episode 103. (I'm actually one of her certified coaches...leave a comment and tell her I sent you!)

You ask yourself, "What is that you want to create for yourself?" You have to be specific.

I want to create an amazing 40's decade. That's not specific enough so I did a whole Thought Download (TDL) on it.

My TDL revealed a lot. The difference between my 30's and 40's was that I want to enjoy life more now than I did then. I was super focused on losing weight, doing things that were for me throughout my 30's.

My list for my 40's was more about quality of my life versus how I look in life.

Maybe it's the nature of getting older but I have lots of goals around financial independence, vacations, date nights, how I want to show up in my marriage, family, and such. Sure there are things about my body. I love a wicked body but I noticed my image of walking around sexy is VASTLY different than my 30's. Yet, I keep reverting back to that image. Maybe that's just a habit. One I should break!

I think I have sat around comparing and despairing because I haven't really taken the time to craft who I am NOW. Am I still searching for a certain look physically at the expense of good times with my husband? Five years ago yes. Today no.

Maybe it's seeing people around me lose people they love. It's brought into perspective that life is so precious. Better get out of comparing to what was and defining what you want to CREATE.

Isn't that a beautiful word? Just say it out loud. CREATE.

We all have the power to create a life or experience we love.

I know what I want to create in my 40's.

Amazing memories with Chris.

A teenager who knows what loving life is because he sees his parents do it.

A growing, safe environment for my beautiful PNP members online. I want to create a place they love, feel safe, free to share, be themselves, explore success and failure with their own creation of health.

A daily practice of loving my body showing young girls we age proudly and women my age who still live in shame to own their femininity.

Mostly, I want to create a life that lives in the moment. That doesn't live for what was or what "should" be. Be here right now and making the moment count. Taking time to ask myself is this creating an amazing life? If the answer is no then figure out how to not to do that. :)

Note: I've developed a download for anyone seeking to craft their own BEST diet. It is based on my blog full of exactly what commonsense things you need to do.

Click Here to Get the Best Diet Printable!

The post I’m Not As Thin As Others appeared first on Phit-N-Phat.


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